In a world of dog-eat-dog, high performance expectations, and relationship struggles, it’s easy to see how our stress responses can be harried and frazzled. Like any animal, we are wired with the same defense capacity of fight, flight, and freeze. If we gain greater awareness to the reactions in our bodies, we can begin the process of decoding what is happening with our thoughts and emotions.
Ask yourself: Am I experiencing any of the following?
- Shallow breathing
- Rapid Inhalations
- Headache
- Pain in your shoulders or neck
- Feelings of nausea and/or fluttering in your stomach
- Sensations of heaviness/pressure
- Tightness in your abdomen or chest
I you answered yes to one or more of these you are most likely in a stress response and will not be able to make good decisions or communicate effectively. You need to be able to stop what you are doing and take time to connect with yourself.
Take a few deep breaths. Drink a glass of water if you can, and find a quiet place.
Put your attention on the pain or sensation in your body. Just sit with that for a moment and breathe into the pain without trying to change it or make it go away.
Just allow the feeling and sensation.
Identify your underlying emotion—am I sad, angry, or afraid? What emotion stands out the most?
Breathe. Again, allow the feeling and sensation.
Now, ask yourself what you need in order to feel better—not what someone else needs to do. (Express myself/talk to a particular person/make a request, set limits, cry, take time to play?)
The more you allow yourself to feel the pain and emotion in your body without judgment, the clearer you will become on what you really need. Labeling emotions and needs can be extremely relieving and move you towards the process of feeling better. Making requests for others to help you with this can be very relieving as well, whether or not they can do it. The fact is, you have identified and voiced what is important to you, and that sets the stage for your need to be met.
