Why does our experience of emotional pain occur over and over? What is it about certain situations that cause us to revolt or flee in terror? What is the reason negative patterns in relationships seem to repeat themselves?
It is very common that most of us, at some point, have felt this way. We begin to recognize particular patterns in our emotions and our relationships, but we often don’t understand why they happen, or what we can do to change them.
In our early process of development, our brain is forming concepts about the world and the way things work. Parents, caretakers, family, and friends often shape much of the physical and emotional environment we grow up in. In the process of our learning we often borrow thoughts, ideas, and behaviors according to what is provided, and can include degrees of negativity, from subtle to abusive or neglectful, that often form additional destructive beliefs about ourselves.
The emotional pain that results from this destructive thinking, even if unconscious, can cause the body to restrict the natural flow of energy and become very tense. This tension is pushed deeper into the cellular memory of the body-mind system, and can create a negative feedback loop, or pain pattern.
Somatic cues that indicate a trigger include a shortness of breath, tightness in the chest or stomach, racing heartbeat, or sweaty palms. Every response is unique to the individual. Sometimes the response can just be felt as a numb or tingling sensation, or feeling of floating away.
Whatever your somatic cue, the more you become aware of it the quicker you will be able to respond and investigate your own response. The more we can approach somatic cues and strong emotional reaction with curiosity, the more likely we will be able to change it.
First: Notice that you are triggered. Take space if you need to.
Second: Take five long, slow deep breaths.
Third: Investigate your thinking. What negative thought about the situation creates the most pain?
Lastly, contact a trusted friend or therapist whom you feel comfortable talking to. You also may want to go for a walk or meditate for further self-relfection. Was there an image or memory that came to your consciousness when you allowed the physical sensation and/or emotion to arise?
