- My partner generally looks me in the eyes when I’m talking to him/ her. A) Always B) Most of the time C) Sometimes (when he/she isn’t distracted) D) Hardly ever
- I feel more relaxed as I speak, and usually breath a little deeper, when talking about my day to my partner. A) Always B) Most of the time C) Maybe half the time D) Hardly ever
- I feel like my partner understands my emotional state, despite the content of my share. A) Always B) Most of the time C) Sometimes, when my emotion is really obvious or intense. D) Does my partner care about emotional states?
- I feel free to talk about any subject that is important to me with my partner. A) Always B) Most of the time C) Depends on the subject. D)Rarely
- It is easy to talk to my partner when I’m distressed, and to ask for physical touch for comfort. A) Always B) Most of the time C) Sometimes, depends on the timing or topic. D) I’d rather go to someone else when I’m distressed.
- If I have an important matter to discuss with my partner, but he/she is busy, he or she is willing to make a time later that day to have the discussion. A) Always B) Most of the time C) You may have to remind him/her a few times, or wait a few days. D) Important matters often get dismissed or ignored.
- I often alter my appearance, interests, or values to feel like I’m “keeping up” with what my partner enjoys. A) No I make decisions based on what I like and am comfortable with for myself. B) Only certain events C) Maybe some of the time D) If I’m honest with myself, I do that a lot.
- I can easily say “no” to my partner whenever I’m not comfortable with something. A) Always B) Most of the time C) Maybe half the time, sometimes it can be really hard. D) Rarely, I hate saying no or disappointing him/ her
- I feel happy and confident with the outcome of discussions with my partner and navigating our different needs together. A) Most of the time B) More than half the time C) Less than half the time D) Our discussions are usually unproductive or turn into arguments.
- I can genuinely say that I feel loved for being myself in this relationship, even if I have differences in opinion or needs from my partner. A) Always B) Most of the time C) More than half the time D) Less than half the time.
30-40 points: Your relationship is in good shape, you feel heard and accepted most of the time, are able to discuss important topics together productively as a couple, and stay true to yourself by tending to your needs and values.
20-29 points: You sometime feel like you don’t have solid ground with your partner to discuss things that are important, or feel like your partner really listens. You may feel frustration with your ability to solve problems together, or experience deeper intimacy.
10-19 points: This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. You may have a difficult time standing up for yourself and/or may not have the communication tools you need to make discussions productive.
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